Things I’ve Heard My Husband Say

husbands, pregnancy

My husband is great. He’s an actor i.e. a sensitive type who can listen, emote, take in criticism, and really analyze and assess situations. He’s super smart, extremely curious, has a graduate degree, but is also a self-taught/read, knows-a-little-bit-about-a-lot-of-things kind of guy. He’s athletic and rugged…dabbled in professional cycling for a while and his 38 year old legs and butt still retain that muscle. He’s very striking, and often told he looks like Robert Downey Jr., that kind of dark, scruffy, floppy, ironic handsomeness. People often say he “looks like an actor”. The flip side of all this that he’s also one of the more original, utterly creative, WEIRDEST people I have ever met. My sister, after a summer of watching him act, described him as a “huge, handsome fairy”. Yes. He has very unique dance moves, aggressive Jack Nicholson-esque eyebrows that can dart up with alarming strength, a genius knack for making up songs on the spot that describe what is happening in the moment, and he will surprise you with his eerie, precise, deep knowledge of sports stats and IPA beers, as well as documentary films, show tune lyrics, and the Little House on the Prairie series.

Lately, some things that have been coming out of his brilliant, handsome, inappropriate mouth are also surprising. Here are a few of my favorites from this week:

1. “Yeah, she’s getting HUGE!”
Overheard while he was on the phone talking to his best bud. Yep.
In his defense, my stomach did just seem to pop out over night and has grown from nothing at 19 weeks to a full-out pregnant bump in 3 weeks. And when I yelled “HEY!!!” from the other room, he did quickly qualify the statement with “I mean just her stomach, she’s the same everywhere else, skinnier even…”.

2. “So…going to the bathroom while in the womb…is the baby pooping in your stomach?”
I mean…I don’t really know what to say here. Dudes DO understand that the stomach and uterus are two different vessels, right?

3. “What about the name Darby?”
No.

4. “What about Blue?”
No.

5. “Wolfgang?”
NOOOOO!!!!!!

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