Love Actually

first pregnancy, pregnancy

I’ve seen this movie a million times. And I cried tonight as if it were SOPHIE’S CHOICE or E.T. or FIELD OF DREAMS (“It was you” “No, it was you”…gaaahhhhhh…I was 14 when I first watched that movie and couldn’t stop crying for three days. I also fell in love with Kevin Costner).

I’m not an adult crier. I get blue and weird and quiet. But I rarely cry. These last few days have been waterworks: no one showed up to take a yoga class I teach…tears. gDiapers arrived…tears. Facebook news of people feeding dogs to their ex-girlfriends, the drought in CA, the sixth extinction that’s upon the world that my yet-to-be-born son might experience, the horrible racism…tears (is it time to get rid of the ol’ FB by the way? Can we talk about this?). Beach Boys serenade a montage of reunions at Heathrow airport at the end of LOVE ACTUALLY…tears.

It’s easy to say it’s hormones. But I hate that. It negates the fact that the feelings are real.

My husband is in Chicago. He moved there for work opportunities and to get everything settled for us while I stay in Wisconsin where I have income and we have ridiculously affordable health insurance. It seemed like a good idea at the time. So maybe that’s also where some of the welling up comes from. We aren’t really supposed feel alone. We spend so much time trying to connect. Even if it’s from behind a screen, anonymously from your parents tiny sewing room that they are turning into a nursery.

So let’s talk…what are you crying about this week?


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